30

Today, I enter a new decade. My thirties.

Thirty sounded old a long time ago. Now, at 30, I feel like I’m just getting started with my life.

There are a lot of things I could reflect upon, deep thoughts I could write about as I leave my twenties. But at this point, there are just a few random, somehow related thoughts that are stringing together in my brain.

So, in honor of turning 30, here is a list of 30 things that are an honest reflection of who I am and what I’m thinking about in this moment.

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Choosing to Speak in Love // A Reflection on Year Three of Marriage

December 20th marks our anniversary.  It’s been three years since we said our vows to one another, deciding that for better or for worse, this would be our forever person.

When I look back at our wedding video and read the post I wrote for our first anniversary, I remember how absolutely, overwhelmingly in love I was with my husband.

And I still am.

But although that love I felt then was real and true, it hadn’t yet gone through the fire.  It had yet to be tested and tried and proven true.

It was only a matter of time. Read more…

Dear Little One…

You are 19 weeks old today!  I cannot believe it…we are almost halfway through this cohabitation thing we have going on here.  And in just a few days, we find out whether you’re a boy or a girl!  But before we find out, I wanted to write down a few thoughts I’ve had about you during the past few days.  As much as mommy and daddy are SUPER eager to find out, there’s something quietly sacred about you remaining something of a mystery to us…a little being that only God knows fully about. Read more…

A Year of Blogging // #lifeasafamiLee Turns One!

Dear friends,

Who else feels like it was just the end of March a moment ago, and now we are already heading into the end of April?

It’s been busy, but I’m not sure why.  The last few weeks have been filled with lots of little, normal, everyday events mixed in with some bigger, life-changing, happy and some not-so-happy news from family and friends.

In the midst of it all, this blog quietly turned one…on April 16th, to be exact.

I had no idea when I published my first post, that a year (plus a few days) later, this is what the blog would look like.

Well…to be frank, I’m not quite sure yet what “this” means.  But I do know that when I started Life as a FamiLee, I thought it would just be a little way to stay connected with the many friends and family we have all over the world.  I would post about our new life in Kansas City, show some pictures from our wedding, maybe talk a little bit about the adventure that is the first year of marriage, etc. etc. Read more…

To the Man I Thought I Wanted to Marry

Hi.  It’s been a while.  But you’ve crossed my mind lately.

I’m not sure if you even exist out there in the real world.  You were so perfectly crafted in the deepest recesses of my Imagination Land during my teenage years and early twenties.  Oh, how I held onto you as a beacon of hope during those days when I wondered where you were or what you were doing out there in the universe.

Let’s see…what did you look like?  Because let’s be honest…that’s probably what I imagined the most.  Your face was vague.  But you were definitely tall, dark, and handsome.  Something of a hybrid between John Smith and Shang (because Pocahontas and Mulan, duh).  You never, ever had a bout of acne.  And you always had the greatest Crest Whitestrips smile. Read more…

History Friends

Have you seen this kind of meme floating around the social media world lately?

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There are mixed interpretations on the various studies that have taken up this topic, and although I think there is validity to friendships that have a longer history together, at the end of the day, friendships, like all relationships, require effort on both ends.  It’s the good old principle of whatever you put into it is what you’ll get out of it.

After I got married and we moved halfway across the country to the sweet Midwest, I quickly came to a new realization about friendships – making friends as a young, single twenty-something is very different from making friends as a still-young, but now married (and without babies) twenty-something.

All of my closest friends I had made as a young adult had become what I call my “history friends” because I had lived with them or gone through significant life changes with them.  I know that whole theory of “you’re best friends until you live together” is real, but I had a rather unique experience with my roommates from college and post-college. Read more…

Waiting

Abba Father…

Here I am, again.  I look around and feel an overwhelming sense of déjà vu.  Haven’t I been here before?  Haven’t I spent enough nights, tossing questions and doubts through the caverns of my mind?  I thought I had done my time on this island, looking out at the vastness of the unknown.  Sure, the circumstances are different, but the whirlwind of emotions feel oh-so-familiar.

Yet, here I am.  Again.  Waiting.

As I sit here with my candid thoughts and fervent emotions spilling forth from within, You’re reminding me so gently of this – but, dear one, we have a history together.

And then I remember.  How those many quiet moments of desperation led me back into Your presence.  How stubbornness got the best of me and brought me low, lower and deeper into raw conversation with You.

The fog begins to clear and I can see glimpses of truth.

How waiting turns into relationship when my fears are melted in the vastness of Your love.  How waiting turns into joy when I experience the breaking in of Your light onto my darkened soul.  How waiting seasons my heart, refining my character and burning away the too many unnecessary things.

See, there’s a history of waiting between You and me.

And so, I declare what I know to be impossible to say by my own strength.  I will remember You.  I will sing of Your great love and mercy.  I will declare Your faithfulness, goodness, and kindness to me, one so undeserving.

So I wait…with hope and expectation.

Because You are Immanuel God.  And that’s all I need to remember.

Amen.