30

Today, I enter a new decade. My thirties.

Thirty sounded old a long time ago. Now, at 30, I feel like I’m just getting started with my life.

There are a lot of things I could reflect upon, deep thoughts I could write about as I leave my twenties. But at this point, there are just a few random, somehow related thoughts that are stringing together in my brain.

So, in honor of turning 30, here is a list of 30 things that are an honest reflection of who I am and what I’m thinking about in this moment.

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A Day in the Life of a NICU Mom

Josiah has been home for a week and for the most part, it’s been a smooth transition (minus the times I’ve almost fallen asleep nursing him at 3 in the morning 🙂 ).

But before I get caught up in all the daily little and big things that come with being a mom, I wanted to take the time to reflect and remember what my life was like as a NICU mom.

Because as painful as those 9 weeks were, that was the first time I truly experienced how His grace could be sufficient enough for me.  Those slow weeks showed me what I was capable of when I believed in my Good Father, that He would carry me through.

The 10 foot by 10 foot space that was Josiah’s NICU room became my own little sanctuary.  Behind that closed curtain, I danced with my son for the first time to the tune of the mobile playing above his crib.  It was where I dreamed about a day when Josiah would run and play, and wept with countless tears asking the Lord for strength I didn’t even know how to ask for.

It’s where we faced terrifying moments that tested our faith, all the while looking at the face of our precious, sweet son who was braver and stronger than us.

These pictures below represent just a snapshot of what my daily life was like from November 20, 2016 to January 23, 2017.  It was filled with lots of “firsts” – Josiah’s first nursery, crib, Thanksgiving, Christmas, New Year’s, nursing and eating, and bath time…just to name a few.  Our brave little man also endured his first surgery, ultrasound, and MRI during that time as well.  But he was always surrounded by a state-of-the-art medical team who became more like family to us during our 9 week stay.  And without all of this, Josiah would not be able to be with us today.  So for all that those 9 weeks were – the most miraculous, terrifying, heart-breaking, glorious season of my life thus far – I want to remember it all fondly.  It’s become a part of me in a way that I will never forget.

And one day, my sweet son, you may be reading this as well.  And although you of course won’t remember any of it, I want you to know how incredible your birth was.  How miraculously the Lord broke in and healed you in ways that nobody could explain.  How brave you were and how proud of you we are, your daddy and I.  This is your story as much as it is mommy’s and daddy’s.  Now it’s yours for the telling.

 

Longing for Home // The Importance of Knowing the End from the Beginning

It’s been one of those weeks.  Nothing feels right.  Everything around me is the same as usual, but somehow, nothing satisfies.  I’m missing…something.

Could it be my family who seems miles away?  Could it be my “history friends,” those I can go to and I don’t have to explain anything but they already know?  Could it be a semblance of my old life, the way things used to be?

Part of what I’m feeling could be some of those things.  Yet last night, as I stood worshiping with hundreds of others at our weekly gathering, I felt it.

That yearning, longing.  For home.  For a place I have never been before, but deep within me, my heart instinctively knows what that place is like. Read more…

A Burning Heart

I’m a week into my September New Year’s resolutions and here is what I have discovered thus far about reading the Bible – I’m going to need a burning heart in order to carry this resolution out.  Because we all know it’s really easy to check things off of a list and read from one big number to the next big number in the Bible.  But is that reading changing my heart and my life?

Here’s the story behind the concept of the “burning heart” that I am referring to. Read more…