Two

It’s the age all preemie parents cannot quite fathom when they’re holding their tiny newborn in the NICU.

As monitors beep and whoosh and hum, you hear the doctors say, “By two, your little one will catch up to his or her peers…by two, you won’t have to adjust his or her age for development…by two, most people won’t even know he or she was a preemie.”

Two seems forever away when you’re just celebrating one more ounce gained, one more millimeter of milk digested, one more day before you get to go home.

And yet, here we are. Already and finally at two years old. What a victorious birthday today is for you, my son.

Many of the little and big miracles I could not even hope to dream of during those early days after your birth have already come to pass.

You’re a miracle by God’s great design.

And tonight, as I gaze upon your sweet, sleeping frame, everything becomes blurry. And all I hear is this broken, whispered prayer spilling forth from this momma’s full heart before the feet of an Almighty, merciful God…

Thank you…thank you…thank you for the gift of this life, our son, Your son. Thank you for giving us the privilege of raising this child for You. Thank you for deeming us worthy to walk this road, to grow our faith in the very best way. Thank you for being Emmanuel God, for showing us the Father’s heart, the power of prayer, and the strength that comes from leaning on brothers and sisters to believe in the impossible.

Thank you for Your promise. And thank you for not giving up on us when we didn’t believe…when we were close to losing all hope…when we forgot Your promise. Thank you for Your faithfulness to our family through every valley and mountaintop.

And most of all, thank you for the gift of Your son. By His death and resurrection, we have new life. We have hope for healing. We have faith to believe in the impossible. We are children of the living, Creator God. And because of that greatest gift, we are the family we are today.

Four surgeries, 10 weeks in the NICU, countless doctors appointments, and many, many prayers later…here you are, sweet boy.

You are living proof of the power of prayer. You are everything God promised us when He said that you would be a child full of joy.

Your appa and I are so blessed to be your parents in this pilgrimage. We love you, baby boy. Happy birthday ūüôā

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Josiah’s Doljanchi (Traditional Korean First Birthday Celebration)

The older I get, the more I am learning how to appreciate and truly enjoy my Korean heritage.¬† Two factors also help – the fact that I married a guy who was born and raised in South Korea and…my very, VERY Korean grandmother. ūüôā¬† For those of you with a Korean g-ma, you know what I’m talking about!

Anywho, last month was our little boy’s first birthday!¬† And I spent weeks and weeks waist-high in glitter, hot glue guns, polyester filling, and beans.¬† But it was completely worth it.¬† You’ll see what I mean below. Read more…

One Day

My dear son,

I remember that moment like it was yesterday.  You were still in the NICU, but we had just gotten the news that you were going to be discharged earlier than expected.  Mommy had not yet finished your nursery, so she found herself standing in a long line at IKEA that morning before heading to the hospital.

Behind me was a family with two little boys, probably about six and eight-years-old. ¬†They were running in and around the bins of extra stuff IKEA tries to entice you to buy while you’re checking out, making a huge, fun mess of things. ¬†Without even turning around I knew that their tired mommy was giving them the “you-better-stop-this-right-now” look.

As I watched their little mischievous antics, I found myself asking the same question I had been asking on repeat since you were born –¬†“When will Josiah be big enough to run around and play like that?” ¬†

At the Baby Gap store, it was,¬†“When will Josiah be big enough to wear newborn-sized clothes?” ¬†At Costco, it was,¬†“When will Josiah be big enough to be in size one diapers?” ¬†You get the idea.

Right then, I heard the two older women in the line next to us comment on how cute the little boys were¬†and how it seemed like yesterday their own children were that age. Read more…

A Month of Miracles // An Update on Josiah

They all said that becoming a parent will change you forever, and you can never go back to not being a mom or dad.  They were right.

Tomorrow it will be a month (four weeks to be exact) since Josiah entered our world in the most terrifying and miraculous way.  And our world will never be the same.

I have never experienced such a wide range of emotions in such a short amount of time. ¬†I have never felt so helpless and heartbroken than when I watched my son’s silent tears roll down his tiny, tiny face as a breathing tube was put down his throat in preparation for surgery…just 30 hours after his early birth. ¬†I have never felt such an overwhelming sense of love¬†than when countless family, friends, acquaintances, and even strangers sent words of encouragement, prayers, meals, gifts, checks in the mail, and the list just goes on.

And through out each day, gratitude has become my ever present companion.  It brings sparkle to our hospital room and shines upon every interaction I have with my sweet son.

Many of you¬†have read my last post with an update on Josiah’s physical condition and what the doctors have told us thus far. ¬†We are still pressing in for creative miracles and for complete healing over our son.

But today, as I reflect upon the first four weeks of his young life, I’m astounded at his progress. ¬†And as a testimony to your prayers and to the goodness of our Father, I want to celebrate the ways our miracle son has…well, become a living miracle before our very eyes.

So, below are a couple of pictures from each of the last four weeks to visually mark his amazing progress. Read more…

Our Little, Mighty Warrior // An Update & Prayer Requests

Josiah’s birth and his first two weeks of life have taught us more about faith, trust, and surrender than we have ever learned in all of our days combined.  Whenever somebody has asked how we’re doing lately, my common response has been, “I feel like I’ve lived a year in two weeks!

As I mentioned in my last post regarding the promise God has given us over him and his name – that Jehovah has healed – this has become the foundation upon which we say every prayer, declare every word over our son, and the filter through which we listen to what the doctors have been telling us.

I have never been more thankful for medical professionals.  Every surgeon, doctor, nurse practitioner, and nurse who has been with our son…my heart overflows with such gratitude for their dedication to their field.  To all of my friends out there who are training to enter or who are in the medical field – thank you.  Thank you for all your countless hours of studying, taking out too many loans, spending years and years in school, and sacrificing your own lives and families in order to help someone have a fighting chance at a beautiful life.

Yet as much as I have appreciated all of the medical professionals who have been with Josiah, we are constantly reminding ourselves of the truth – God is the Great Physician, He has the final word, and as the Creator God, He is not done with Josiah yet.

So with that truth anchoring our souls, I will give an update as to what the doctors have told us so far.  As you pray, please do so with the same truth anchoring you that is anchoring us…God is still in the process of fearfully and wonderfully making our son.  We are contending to see some miracles that will astound our doctors and give glory to our Sovereign God.

Read more…

To the Man I Thought I Wanted to Marry

Hi. ¬†It’s been a while. ¬†But¬†you’ve crossed¬†my mind lately.

I’m not sure if you even exist out there in the real world. ¬†You were so perfectly crafted in the deepest recesses of my Imagination Land¬†during¬†my teenage years and early twenties. ¬†Oh, how I held onto you as a beacon of hope during those days when I wondered where you were or what you were doing out there in the universe.

Let’s see…what did you look like? ¬†Because let’s be honest…that’s probably what I imagined the most. ¬†Your face was vague. ¬†But you were definitely tall, dark, and handsome. ¬†Something of a hybrid between John Smith and Shang (because Pocahontas and Mulan, duh). ¬†You never, ever had a bout of acne. ¬†And you always had the greatest Crest Whitestrips smile. Read more…

Thankful For the Gift of Family

I have decided that fall is pretty much the most perfect season of all.  The scenery is beautiful, the weather is happy, the air is crisp and clean, and the thought of all the joy of the holidays coming around the corner (without the actual stress of being in the middle of it) is just like a perfect dollop of whipped cream on a slice of pumpkin pie.

But nothing could have made the joy of experiencing fall for the first time more perfect than my parents and grandma visiting us from Arizona. ¬†They flew in and spent the last few days with my uncle’s family and my husband and I, and it was the perfect breath of fresh air. ¬†Although they didn’t have a lot of time with us, we did get to all of the important things… Read more…